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That time of year is creeping up, again. You know, that most wonderful time when family and friends gather to offer unsolicited advice and ask invasive personal questions? Okay, not always, but when you’re struggling with infertility and the holidays come around, the season can be full of emotional hurdles. Some of these are external (the aforementioned unsolicited advice) and some are natural responses to the holiday season when you’re struggling (seeing the less complicated family-building journeys of those around you can be painful).
The infertility experience is massively depleting and can be even more so between Thanksgiving and New Year's. Getting through infertility and the holidays can be done—but you’ll need to prioritize your needs and invest time and energy into self-preservation and replenishment. Here are some simple and effective ways to conserve energy, maintain your sanity, and protect your heart during the holiday season.
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Find your people
Your family and friends may mean well, but their attempts at support can often leave you feeling even more alone. Connecting with others who have been where you are, or are on the journey alongside you, will help you feel less so.
For some people, this means finding your community on social media, while for others it means IRL gatherings with like-minded friends. It might also mean being honest with your friends who haven’t experienced infertility about what you might need during the holidays. This could include space, validation, and distraction—your people want to show up for you, but they may need a nudge about helpful ways they can do so.
Find your infertility support system
While your community and friends can help you through the holiday season, when dealing with infertility and the holidays, you’ll also want to rely on the professionals. This could include your fertility clinic, therapist, fertility coach, acupuncturist, nutritionist, massage therapist, or support group. Arming yourself with the best professional support system will make a difference in your emotional, physical, and relational health, don’t be afraid to lean on them.
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Anticipate, anticipate, anticipate
While I don’t recommend assuming that the time spent with family and friends is going to be awful, I do think accepting that there will be hard moments is realistic. Anticipating them means you can prepare for them. Triggers can come out of nowhere, but if you know what’s likely to affect you, you can adjust your plans or prepare your response ahead of time. And make sure post-event, you have what you need for a little self care.
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Take a social media vacation
Social media can also be one of the most difficult places to spend time while struggling to conceive. The holidays, in particular, offer up so many kid-centric pictures and family planning announcements. Even temporarily, stepping away can provide some relief from anything you may find triggering.
Set boundaries (and keep them!)
You do not need to put yourself in situations that will exacerbate your pain and suffering. Say no to events that will be more draining than enjoyable and set boundaries during personal interactions. This might mean sharing what you’re going through with someone who wasn’t aware, but it also just might mean changing the conversation if you’re not ready or willing to get into it. When dealing with infertility and holidays, it can still be a joyful time of family and friends, excellent food, memorable experiences, and lots of love. Just remember to take care and be gentle with yourself and with the range of emotions you may feel.
